You’ve seen them – they’re the couples who seem relaxed, at ease, and in sync, even in the midst of conflict. They may not agree on everything, they may have conflict, but at the end of the day they’re united and happy.

What’s their secret?

Author and social researcher Shaunti Feldhahn explores the habits of a healthy marriage and look at how to apply them to our own lives and relationships.

So, what are the characteristics of highly happy couples?

Here are a few things Shaunti addresses that are surprisingly simple to put into practice:

• Small actions carry big power.
Notice – and thank your spouse for – the little things

• Assume the best of your spouse.
Don’t immediately assign a motive to their missteps; it might be that they’re distracted by other things and they dropped the ball without realizing it.

• Go to bed mad.
Sometimes a good night’s sleep is the best way to get perspective on a minor squabble.

• Use sign language.
Using secret signals that only you two know increases the “team” mentality in your marriage.

• Hang out.
Research finds that sometimes physical distance increases emotional distance. Take a car ride with your spouse. Sit next to them on the couch while they’re reading. Little things like this strengthen your intimacy and will build a strong godly marriage.

Shaunti’s other books include For Women Only, For Men Only, and For Women Only in the Workplace: What You Need to Know About How Men Think at Work.

Key Scriptures: Philippians 4:8; Ephesians 4:26-27; 1 Peter 4:8; James 1:19

Highlight : Go to bed mad?

The surprising secrets of happy marriages