Have you faced the myths of marriage yet?
Dr. Les Parrott talks about the marriage myths that every couple considering marriage needs to know.
“It’s our beliefs about marriage that fuel our behavior within the relationship.”
Dr. Parrott says that we need to straighten our beliefs out first, for the sake of our future marriage. In order for us to properly understand God’s intentions for marriage, we need to filter out all of the myths.
What are the most embedded myths of marriage?
A few myths are easily identified such as “we expect the same things from married life’ and ‘Everything bad will disappear.’
Dr. Parrott describes one myth that is the least articulated and most deeply felt: my spouse should make me whole.
“It’s the myth that says this person should make up for the things I’m lacking, but they should be almost a shortcut to my personal well-being and my personal growth.”
“That’s too much pressure put on an individual…that’s the work we do with our Heavenly Father. Certainly our spouse can help us in that process, as iron sharpens iron; we can help each other on that pathway. But to put that on another person is really going to cause some strain and pressure in the relationship because nobody can complete you, as romantic as that statement is.”
Our spouse is supposed to be perceived as a gift to us; not our source. Jesus needs to be the source of our fulfillment.
Susie points out that we sometimes put burdens on our relationships they aren’t meant to carry. Dr. Parrott elaborates by using an illustration of the ‘A-framed relationship.’
“We illustrate this by having a couple come up to the stage, face the audience, stand about a foot and a half apart, and then just lean in; their shoulders and on each other and then put their heads on each other – stretching…that’s what Leslie and I call an A-frame relationship. It’s symbolic of this idea that this person is going to complete me; they are making up for everything I’m lacking.”
Over time, we start to place pressure on our spouse and expect them to make us whole, when that’s not the way that God designed marriage to be.
Dr. Les Parrott co-authored Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts with his wife Leslie.
Key scripture: Romans 8